I bought this book at a women's Christmas event at my church last Tuesday. The speaker that evening was Sara Ward. I've known of her for a few years now since she and her husband have been involved in a couple plays by all for One. I've also heard random tidbits of Sara's life from her neighbor who attends my church. When I first saw on Facebook from our mutual friend that Sara wrote a book, I was immediately interested in reading it, though I didn't know why or anything about the book. I admit that I forgot about it for a couple months until Tuesday night, when suddenly I had the opportunity to buy the book right then and there. I bought it without hesitation.
On Sunday, I had to be at church early with my husband since he was running sound. Since I didn't have any obligations during the worship practice, I brought my Chromebook and this book. I intended to spend at least some of the hour working on my blogs, but I was drawn to this book and while the sanctuary was still quiet, I decided to start reading. I devoured it, and the hour was gone in an instant. After we were home and our bellies were full, I grabbed the book to keep reading. I was interrupted fairly quickly by my Dad who stopped by for a short visit. As soon as he was gone, I got myself settled on the couch with this book and my cuddly kitten Arien who slept on my chest, and read until I finished it.
Sara's story is remarkable. The way she tells her story is so captivating. Reading this book helped me realize that I have still been struggling with trying to get back to "normal life" despite being in the aftermath of losses. I think the most accurate description I have ever heard of grief is that it is like waves in the ocean; some waves are big, some are small, some are predictable, and some come out of nowhere. While it's been a while since a wave of grief has hit me, I have realized that I haven't fully accepted that I am already living in what is my new "normal life". I feel an emptiness that I can't fill. This time of year with so many holidays is especially hard. I long for traditions and stability. But each year is different than the last, and we are left making it up as we go. I know I can never go back to before losses and grief rocked my world, but I trust in a Sovereign God who gives me hope for the future.
Sara says in her book, "I possessed no way to fix the gaping hole in my life, and no solution to bring my son back, but I could find hope in the darkness. I wanted to make sense of this pain and not waste an opportunity to grow from it. I was searching for the gifts of brokenness - those treasures found only through great loss. In the midst of my suffering, I realized it was not pain that brought me these gifts, but God. Like hidden treasures, these gifts helped me to understand the greatness of God's love and compassion for me. He was the creator of these gifts, if only I had the eyes to see them. He was the one who could bring light out of darkness and beauty for ashes. The book of Isaiah says, 'I will give you hidden treasures, riches stored in secret places, so that you may know that I am the Lord, the God of Israel, who summons you by name' (Isaiah 45:3)."
