It's been a year since my mother in law passed away. This past year has been very difficult for me, and maybe that is partially because I don't talk much about the pain and loss I feel. I so badly wish I could talk to her again or even just listen to her talk. Over this past year I have had a lot of dreams with her in them. Some were nightmares based off of my memory of the events a year ago. Some were so beautiful and so closely resembled a happy memory of her that when I wake up, there is a fleeting moment of joy before I remember that she is gone and the pain and loss take over again. One of my biggest regrets is that I never told her about Tarcil and the goals I had for myself and my photography. I bought him just 4 days before she went into the hospital. During the next week, I just didn't think it was important enough or never found the right time, and then it was too late. I know she hated mice, but I think she would have really enjoyed meeting Tarcil and reading about him everyday. And I know without a doubt that she would have supported me in anything and everything because she didn't hesitate to open up her home and her family to me. She made me feel like the daughter she never had but always wanted. :)
She didn't like pictures of herself, and she avoided cameras which means that I don't have very many pictures of her. But I love these pictures from my wedding day when she was dancing with my husband. :)
I love you Paula!
